Pieces of Their Lives
by Vol lady
Summary: Vignettes from Jarrod's and Nick's lives, beginning with Nick's birth in 1847 and ending with Heath's arrival in 1876.
1. Chapter 1

Pieces of Their Lives

Chapter 1

June 1847

Four-year-old Jarrod Barkley had held babies before. He knew they were tiny and squirmy and you had to be careful to support their heads and not let them wiggle away from you. He knew they smelled strange - sometimes bad, sometimes kind of good. He knew they cried a lot. But none of the babies he'd ever held before were his. This little thing his father had just placed into his arms was his, his very own brother, and his name was Nick.

"Be careful there, now," Tom Barkley said to his older son. "He's only one day old."

Nick began to cry. "He's loud," Jarrod said.

"Yes, he came that way," his father said. "You have an important job now, you know. You're his big brother. He's going to look to you to learn what he has to learn."

Jarrod looked up, a little alarmed. "Like what?"

"Well, like how to climb up into a saddle when you can't reach the stirrups. How to get the horse to go where you want it to go when you want it to. How to tie all those knots I taught you to tie. How to pull on your own boots and do up your own trousers and button your own shirts. All those kinds of things."

"But you taught me. Won't you teach him too?"

Tom laughed. "I will, but you didn't have an older brother. It's different when you have an older brother. Nick will look to you more than he looks to me. And you'll be a good big brother, I know."

Jarrod started to cough, and Tom quickly lifted the baby out of his arms. Jarrod had suffered more than one bout of pneumonia in his short life, the last being the worst. He had nearly died before Nick was even born. But he fought back with everything in his four-year-old body, and he had won. The only thing left of that latest round was the bit of a cough. Tom only hoped it would be the last fight he'd have with pneumonia, at least for several years.

"May I hold him again?" Jarrod asked when his coughing stopped.

Baby Nick began to wail even louder.

"We'd better take him back to your mother right now," Tom said. "I think he's hungry, and you need to go get some more rest so that cough will go away."

Jarrod slipped down out of the chair, saying, "All right. See you later, Nick."

Tom Barkley smiled watching his older son go back into the second bedroom, where his own bed was and where Nick's crib would be before very long. He looked at his newer son, smiling. "Nick, my boy, you and your big brother are gonna have quite a time together – quite a time."

That night, before Jarrod crawled into bed and as he was saying his prayers, he added something. "And thank you for my new brother Nick. I promise, I'll take care of him. I'm his big brother, and I need to teach him all kinds of things."

A coughing spell interrupted his prayer, but as soon as he was able, he got back to it again.

"I forgot what I was saying, God. Oh, yes, I'll take good care of my new little brother, I promise. Mama and Papa will be very proud of me, and Nick and I will be the best of friends forever. Amen."

XXXXXXX

August 1851

For the n'th time, eight-year-old Jarrod stiff-armed his four-year-old brother Nick to keep him from pummeling him with those tough little arms of his. "Nick, will you just stop it?" Jarrod said. "I'm not gonna fight with you, so you might just as well stop trying to hit me."

Their father was there suddenly and grabbed Nick by the collar, pulling him away from his bigger older brother. "All right, what's this about?"

"Jarrod said I was too little to fight him, so I showed him!" Nick yelled, loudly.

Jarrod rolled his eyes.

"You _are_ too little to fight him," Tom said. "He's been holding back because you are too little, and if I catch you trying to fight him again before you're twenty-one, I'll turn you over my knee."

Nick straightened, indignant. "Twenty-one?! I'll be bigger than him then!"

"Maybe," Tom said. "But you're not now and you won't be for a long, long time, so leave your brother alone before he swats you like a fly."

"I need to finish mucking out the last stall, Papa," Jarrod said.

"Go on," Tom said.

"Can I watch?" Nick asked.

"As long as you don't try to fight with your brother anymore," Tom said.

Nick ran after Jarrod, saying, "I won't."

In the stable, Jarrod picked up the rake and finished with the last stall he was cleaning out. "This will be your job in a couple years," he said to Nick.

"It smells," Nick said as he hoisted himself atop a bail of hay.

"It's not so bad once you get used to it," Jarrod said. "You have to take good care of the horses. They can get sick pretty easy, and then they're no help to you. You can't ride them or anything."

"You used to get sick."

"That was a long time ago. I don't get sick anymore."

"I don't get sick ever."

"You got lucky. I got all the diseases out of the way for you."

"Thanks."

Jarrod laughed a little. "Now, Brother Nick, you stay right there because I'm going to use this pitchfork for a bit. It's sharp and it can hurt you."

Nick did not really like it when Jarrod called him that - he didn't know why, it just bothered him. But he said, "All right. Can we go riding later?"

"No, it's gonna be dark. Maybe after I get home from school tomorrow."

"Do you like going to school?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then I will too."

Jarrod laughed a little again. "I'm not sure you've got the temperament for it, Nick."

"What's 'temperament' mean?"

"It means you can't sit still long enough to like school. You have to sit still all day long there."

"All day? In one chair?"

"All day. In one chair." Jarrod laid the pitchfork on the floor, tines down, while he went to fetch some grain in the feedbag. He had only turned his back for a moment, but when he looked around – "Nick! Lay that back on the floor where I put it!"

Nick had picked the pitchfork up and was looking directly at the tines. Being yelled at, he laid it back down the way he found it.

Jarrod put the feed bag down on the floor, came over and moved the pitchfork back where it was normally kept in a corner. He hung up on the wall. "How many times do I have to tell you? These are not toys and you are not to touch them EVER!" He turned back around after hanging it up. "Do you understand that yet?"

"Yes," Nick said. "I'm sorry."

"You'd be sorrier still if you hurt yourself with it," Jarrod said, bringing the feedbag back over this time. He hung it in the stall, then came out and reached his hand down to his little brother. Nick took his hand. "Come on. We need to clean up for dinner."

Nick held onto Jarrod's hand as they walked to the house. Jarrod noticed how tight the boy's grip was getting. He was going to be strong when he grew up – if he stayed away from pitchforks and fighting with bigger boys long enough to actually grow up.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

May 1857

Nick was about to be ten years old when his mother had another baby, and frankly, he was uneasy about the whole thing. Fourteen-year-old Jarrod had to smile at the look on Nick's face as Jarrod held the new baby and showed her to him. Nick looked at the squirming thing in Jarrod's arms and made a very unhappy face.

"What's the matter?" Jarrod asked.

"What's the matter with that?" Nick replied. The new baby made squeaking noises and clamped its eyes shut. Nick had never seen a baby this new before.

"Nothing's the matter," Jarrod said. "She's a baby."

"This is the way they come?"

"Yeah, this is the way they come. You looked like this, and I expect I did too."

Tom Barkley watched his sons with an inner laugh. Nick was now losing his place as the "baby" in the family to this wriggling little thing in Jarrod's arms. Nick was no baby anymore, growing tall fast and starting to develop muscles. Jarrod, already with a deepening voice, heading toward being six feet tall and gangly, suddenly looking more like a father than a brother as he held little Audra. Tom remembered the births of each of his sons and marveled at how much they had grown and how fast. He also remembered that when Jarrod was born, he himself was barely out of his teens - not a whole lot older than his oldest was now.

"What's her name?" Nick asked.

"Audra," Jarrod said. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"No, she isn't," Nick said quite matter-of-factly.

Jarrod laughed. Tom saw the desire coming into his oldest son's blue eyes – not just the desire for a woman, but also the desire for a child of his own, a life of his own. "Slow down there, boy," Tom said to himself, and he wished both his sons would slow down. He wanted to keep them boys a bit longer, even if his oldest was already turning into a young man.

"Do you want to hold her?" Jarrod asked Nick and began to pass her to him. "Support her head with your hand – that's it."

Nick looked very nervous, but he took his new sister into his arms. She had a funny but pleasant smell about her. She opened her eyes. "She's looking at me!" Nick said.

"You're her big brother," Jarrod said. "You're closer to her in age. You'll be more important to her than I will."

"You'll understand her best," Tom Barkley said. "She'll be looking at you like this for her whole life."

Nick grinned. Maybe this baby sister thing was going to work out after all.

XXXXXXXX

April 1858

Jarrod came out of school with a load of books, but right this minute his mind was more on where Nick was. Nick had left the building fast when school let out, and Jarrod was suspicious that something was going on. Nick and the two younger Parker boys had been glaring at each other for days. Some argument was happening that Nick would not talk about.

Worth Parker was a year older than Nick; Ross Parker was two years older. Matt Parker was Jarrod's age, and he followed Jarrod out of the building, also suspecting that something was brewing between his brothers and Nick Barkley. And they were right.

As soon as they were out of the schoolyard, Nick was fighting Worth and Ross in the street, and he was losing. He was smaller and there were two of them beating up on him. Nick didn't lack for will or enthusiasm, but he just didn't have the physical capabilities he thought he had. Jarrod spotted his brother losing this fight, and he dropped his books and ran to him.

Bigger than all the Parker boys, Jarrod grabbed Ross by the collar, pulled him off Nick and threw him aside like a doll. Matt had followed Jarrod to the fight, and he kept hold of Ross and kept him from jumping back into things. But once Ross was out of the way, Worth and Nick were having at it one on one. Nick was still getting the bad end of things. Worth was pounding on Nick like he was a sack of flour.

Jarrod grabbed Worth and pulled him away, but instead of letting him go, Jarrod began to pound on him, as hard as Worth had been pounding on Nick. Worth couldn't even get a punch in on older and bigger Jarrod. Nick fell down in the street and just watched as his brother beat on Worth and beat on him until Worth fell down. Even Matt Parker was watching, paralyzed. But even though Worth was down, Jarrod kept at him, trying to pull him up to beat on him some more. Nick was startled and even frightened. He had never seen his brother beat on anyone like that. He jumped up and tried to pull his brother away from Worth, yelling, "Jarrod! Stop!" Nick managed to get Jarrod away for a moment before Jarrod accidentally knocked him down.

Then Sheriff Lyman and his deputy came running and kept Jarrod off Worth. It took the two of them – Jarrod was almost as tall as they were and might have even been able to hold his own against one of them in a fight, but Jarrod let go of his rage once the sheriff got hold of him.

"Break it up, boys, that's enough!" the sheriff yelled. "What in the world is this all about?"

"Ross and Worth were beating up on Nick," Jarrod said. "I was just protecting my little brother."

"You beat me up!" Worth whined. "I didn't do anything to you!"

"All right, all right," the sheriff said. "Matt, you take your brothers on home. And Jarrod and Nick, you be on your way, too. I don't want to see any more fighting in the street from any of you!"

Matt Parker pulled his brothers away from the fray, heading down the street as best they could. Jarrod lent a hand to Nick and pulled him upright. Nick had a bloody lip and some nasty scrapes on his face. Jarrod took his kerchief out of his pocket and dabbed the blood away, wordlessly.

His anger dying down, Jarrod wondered how he had lost his temper so badly, and he wondered how they were going to explain this to their parents. He fetched his books.

Nick picked his books up from where he dropped them in the street. He and Jarrod headed for their horses, but before they mounted up, Nick said, "Jarrod – you really got mad."

"I know," Jarrod said. "It wasn't a fair fight. There were two of them, and they were both bigger and older than you."

"I could have handled it."

"No, you couldn't," Jarrod said. "They were beating you up real bad, and I wasn't gonna let that happen. What were you fighting about, anyway?"

Nick looked very sober. "You and Matt."

"Me?!" Jarrod blurted. "Why in the world would you be fighting about me and Matt?!"

"Ross and Worth said you couldn't fight worth a lick and that Matt could beat you up with one hand tied. I guess they know better now."

Jarrod rolled his eyes. "Let me tell you something, Nick. As much as I appreciate you standing up for me, you gotta learn to pick your fights. You only fight when you have to, and when you have a chance of winning. When you're outnumbered by older boys, you have to hold back, because they're gonna win. And I can fight my own battles, so don't go fighting over me again."

"You got really mad. I never saw you fight like that."

"Let me tell you something else. You and me, we both have tempers. You just saw me lose mine. You don't want to go losing your temper too fast. I could have hurt Worth really bad. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have lost my temper, but I did. And now we have to go home and explain all this to Mother and Father – are you looking forward to that?"

Nick slumped. "No."

They mounted up, Jarrod giving Nick a boost before he climbed on his own horse. "Best you start planning what you're gonna say."

"I'm gonna say I defended my big brother," Nick said. "What are you gonna say?"

"I'm gonna say I defended my little brother. But I don't think anything we say is gonna save us from a trip behind the barn."

Nick groaned. "I'm sorry, Jarrod. I'll try not to fight so much anymore."

Jarrod had his doubts that Nick would be able to stick to that vow for very long. He knew his younger brother had a temper quicker than his own, and Nick was going to be a big man when he was grown. Jarrod just heaved a sigh and promised to himself that he would try to reason his way out of scrapes rather than resort to fighting – at least as much as he could. He worried that he had lost his temper so much that he almost beat Worth to a pulp. That wasn't the man he wanted to be, and now that he was almost a man, he knew he had to pay closer attention to what he was doing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

January 1859

"I kissed her," Nick said with a grin that Jarrod never really expected, not from Nick at this point in his life. Nick was not yet twelve years old. Jarrod never dreamed his little brother would have kissed a girl at that age, but he did it. He announced it proudly, too, and he seemed to like it. "You're right. It's nice," Nick said.

Jarrod laughed. "Did she like it too?"

"I guess," Nick said.

"You didn't ask her?"

"Well, she smiled."

Jarrod remembered his first kiss. It had been a while, although he was not as young as Nick was when he first stole one. Her name was Maddy Slade. He and she had taken off after school together when they were thirteen, finding a spot in a tree on the edge of town, Jarrod leaving Nick to wait for him and Maddy leaving her own little brother behind (Jarrod and Maddy ultimately found their brothers waiting together for them in the schoolyard). Jarrod and Maddy talked for a while, and then Jarrod went for it. Maddy liked it so much she stole the second one herself. She and her family had moved away, but Jarrod still savored the memory, maybe even more than he savored the memory of the kisses he had stolen since then.

And Jarrod was glad Nick had stolen that kiss now, because there was something he hadn't told Nick yet, something he had discussed with his parents. It kind of split them down the middle. His mother was well in favor of the idea – it had been her idea to begin with. But his father didn't like it, not yet, anyway. They had all argued about it a bit the night before, but Jarrod and his mother prevailed, and his father, still a tad angry about it, had given in.

"You know, I gotta tell you something," Jarrod said. "I'm gonna be leaving home in a couple weeks. I'm gonna go away to school."

Nick looked confused. "Go away where? What school?"

"San Francisco, to a special school and then to law school. Mother and Father and I have been talking about it for some time now. It just took Mother a while to talk Father into it, but I'm going to be a lawyer."

"A lawyer?" Nick said with a screwed up face. "Why?"

"Why not? You've been working with Father on the ranch, but that's only a little bit of the kind of businesses Father's gotten into since we were little. He relies on lawyers for help a lot, and Mother thought it would be a good idea to have a lawyer in the family. Save on legal bills, for one thing. And she talked to me about it a couple months ago. I like the idea."

"And Father likes it?"

"Well, I don't think he actually likes it, but he sees the advantages now."

Nick looked almost stricken. "You're going away."

"Well, yeah, but it's not that far, and I'll be home now and then on school breaks."

"Who's gonna look after Audra and Eugene?"

"Mother and Father and you. You know how to do it. You already have Audra wrapped around your little finger – or maybe she has you wrapped around hers. You two are two of a kind, you know. You'll do fine by them."

Nick still looked very unhappy. "You're going away," he repeated, and he looked abandoned.

"Little brother, you knew I'd grow up," Jarrod said, "and you're not that far behind me. I'll be back for good by the time you get ready to spread your wings."

"I'm never leaving here," Nick said. "I don't understand why you want to go."

Jarrod sighed. How could he explain that he was not as close to their father as Nick was? The occasional arguments with Tom Barkley were beginning to become more frequent, and the older he got, the more Jarrod realized that he did not want to be anchored to this ranch. Nick did. Jarrod understood that, but he knew he couldn't expect Nick to understand that he didn't feel the same way. Jarrod wanted more. He looked out at the mountains to the east and wanted to go beyond them. He read about the city life of San Francisco and New York and he wanted to taste it. How could he ever explain that to a boy who was just reaching twelve?

"Listen," Jarrod tried. "We're just two different people, you and me. You don't like school and bookwork – I do. I'm okay with ranch work, but you really like it. Maybe you never will leave here, and that's what's right for you. What's right for me is to learn more than I can learn here, see more than I can see around Stockton."

"But you're leaving me," Nick said, almost mournfully.

Jarrod smiled and shook his head. "Only for a while. I'll never leave you for good, Nick. We're brothers." He held his hand out.

Nick looked at Jarrod's hand. Nick had shaken hands with his father and other adults, but never with Jarrod. He took Jarrod's hand and shook it, and he almost shivered with the meaning behind it.

Jarrod clapped him on the arm. "Always brothers, Nick. I'll be back. I promise."

XXXXX

October 1859

Nick was spending a lot more time helping his father with the ranch since Jarrod went away to school. When he wasn't at school himself, Nick was with his father, learning everything he could learn about the ranch and about the business of running a ranch. Maybe it was partly that, without Jarrod around, he was a little lonely, but the more he was with his father and learned what his father did to keep the ranch and his other business interests running, the more Nick liked it. The more he learned that he belonged right here.

On an evening after dinner, Tom Barkley took Nick to his desk and let him watch while he worked on the contracts for prison inmates to pick next year's peach crop. "When Jarrod finishes law school, he'll come back here and be working on these contracts, but you need to know a bit about them. You don't need to read them completely – just get a feel for what they say. I know you like working out in the range with the herds and such but there's a lot more to running this ranch than just herding cattle."

Nick looked over the contract his father had handed him. It was a dizzying thing to look at, all those words he didn't even recognize, but he was anxious to please his father and anxious to learn all he could learn about what his father did. But – "I'm glad I don't have to understand all of this. I'm glad Jarrod will."

His father chuckled. "I'm pleased you're interested in how this ranch runs and all the work that goes into it. It's gonna be your ranch someday, Nick."

Nick was a little surprised his father said that. The oldest son usually inherited the property. "Not Jarrod's?"

"No, boy. He doesn't love it like you do. He's got a different life ahead of him. He'll help you with the legal work, but he won't be running things day to day. You will."

Nick was astonished, but at the same time he never felt so proud, to think his father thought so much of him that he'd give him the ranch someday. "I'll do a good job, Father."

Tom Barkley smiled. "I know you will. But you still have a lot to learn, boy, about everything. So don't be too eager to take over my job, all right?"

"All right," Nick said. "Can I take over a little bit here and there?"

Tom Barkley laughed more. "You know, that's a pretty good idea. Tell you what. Come spring, when branding time rolls around, I'm gonna let you run that. I'll just watch."

"What can I do right now?"

"Boy, you are an eager one, aren't you? All right, over this winter, I'm gonna show you how to keep these books."

Nick squirmed.

"I know books aren't your favorite things in the world," Tom said, "but you do need to know how to do them. They're what you need to make sure you have enough money and it's going to the right places."

"All right," Nick said.

"We'll make sure that by the time you're fifteen, you'll know a little bit about everything there is to know about running this ranch and all the other things we do."

Nick smiled wider. He could hardly wait to get started. "All right."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

April 1861

Even though he knew he wasn't supposed to, Nick listened at the door of the library. The voices had gotten so loud that he really didn't need to get very close, but he couldn't help it. He was hearing words he didn't want to hear, words he couldn't believe he was hearing, two rich baritone voices in disagreement and his mother's voice trying to stop the arguing.

"I'm going."

"You are NOT!"

"Father, I'm beyond the age that you should be making decisions like this for me."

"As long as you live under my roof – "

"Well, that's the point, isn't it? I haven't really been living under your roof since I went off to San Francisco, have I? And starting tomorrow, I won't be living under your roof at all. Father, listen to me, this is the most important moment in the history of our country – "

"It's an eastern man's war, boy, not yours!"

"Is it? What if the union should fail, and it could fail, Father. By this time next year we could be back under Spanish rule, or even French. Is that what you want for me and Nick?"

"Jarrod – " Their mother's voice now. "Can't you give this more thought? What about your schoolwork and your job studying under that lawyer in San Francisco? You're interrupting your legal education."

"I'll be having some books sent to me when I get settled in with a definite unit, and my job will be waiting for me when I get back. The papers are expecting a short war."

"Then it could be over by the time you get there," Tom Barkley said.

"Then I'll come right back, but I'm going."

"If you're going, don't you plan on coming back, at least not to this house!"

Jarrod's voice, quieter, maybe a little hurt. "I'm sorry you see it that way. If it would suit you better, I'll head to town tonight and stay with the Merars. I won't live here anymore."

"You do that!"

Nick backed away from the door fast when he heard the knob turn. Jarrod came out, startled to see Nick there, closing the door on the voices of his parents. He looked at Nick – and then he looked beyond Nick. Nick looked over his own shoulder and saw the little ones there, four-year-old Audra holding the hand of three-year-old Eugene, both of them wet-eyed and frightened.

"What's going on, Jarrod?" Nick asked.

Having already grown much taller than his two youngest siblings, his voice dropping years earlier and his beard starting to appear by this late in the day even though he shaved in the morning, Jarrod already knew his place was to help his younger brothers and sister to understand what was going on around here sometimes. He put his hands on the shoulders of the little ones and shepherded them toward the kitchen. "Come on, I'll tell you."

Once in the kitchen, Jarrod gave Silas a pleading eye that Silas had come to know. It was time for him to leave the Barkley children alone to talk among themselves. With a soft smile, Silas left the room.

Jarrod fetched some milk from the icebox and poured drinks for Audra and Eugene, but thirteen-year-old Nick shook his head, declining. Jarrod knew Nick was beginning to feel his own manhood coming on. He wasn't a child anymore, even if he wasn't quite a man yet. He didn't need a glass of milk to get him through difficult times.

And from what he'd heard through the library door, Nick knew Jarrod was not going to be coming back here anymore even on school breaks, to be the big brother who watched over the rest of them. Taking care of Audra and Eugene was about to fall to him completely, because he heard Jarrod say he was leaving, and Nick knew why.

Jarrod sat down at the table with the little ones. Nick paced for a moment more, but then he sat down, too.

"I want you to understand something," Jarrod said, gently, mostly to Audra and Eugene but also to Nick. "Something very important is happening far away, and I need to go and help make it happen."

"What is it?" Eugene asked.

Jarrod couldn't tell them exactly what it was, so he only said, "It's just very important work that many young men my age have to help to do. I'm going to go away today. I might not be back for a long time."

Audra's tears spilled out of her eyes. "I don't want you to go away forever, Jarrod."

Jarrod took her hand and kissed her forehead. "Don't worry. It might be a while before I come home, but I will come home."

"Father said you couldn't come home again," Audra said.

"I will come home," Jarrod repeated. "In the meantime, Brother Nick is going to take care of you like he's been taking care of you since I went away to school, and you should do as he asks so that Mother and Father don't worry about you, all right?"

"All right," Eugene said. He really didn't understand.

Audra did and didn't at the same time. She didn't understand exactly what Jarrod was leaving to do. She just understood that he was going away again, and this time he wasn't coming back.

Nick understood, or at least thought he did. He thought he understood what was happening back east, but Jarrod knew that Nick too was really still too young to understand it all. Nick knew but didn't really fully understand that his big brother could be going away to his death, that he might never come back at all. Jarrod didn't really want him to understand that.

Jarrod stood up, giving the top of Eugene's head a rub. "You two finish your milk. Nick is going to help me pack. Come on, Nick."

Nick got up and followed Jarrod out to the foyer and up the stairs. "You're really going," Nick said as they climbed the stairs.

"Yes, I'm really going," Jarrod said.

"Even though Father is dead set against it."

"Ah, Nick, Father's been dead set against a lot of things I've wanted to do. If he ever agreed with me, I'd probably fall over in a dead faint."

"How long do you think this war will last?"

"I don't know. Come on in here and let's talk."

Jarrod led Nick into his bedroom and closed the door behind them. Then he went to his dresser and began to haul out some clothing. Nick stood back, watching.

"Jarrod – could you get killed back east?" Nick asked.

Jarrod stopped, turned, looked at his brother who suddenly seemed so young, so wounded. He put his hands on Nick's shoulders. "Yes, I could, and that's what has Mother and even Father so worried, but Nick, I have to go. I have to do this. Our grandfathers and our great grandfathers had to go to war. I have to go, too."

"Boys my age are going too, I hear," Nick said.

Jarrod shook his head and went back to packing. "You can't go. You need to be here to help look after Audra and Gene. They're far too young to understand any of this. They'll just know I'm not here on school breaks. It'll be a few months before they stop missing me, but they will stop. Until then, you'll have to keep them on an even keel."

"I won't stop missing you, Jarrod," Nick said. "I really don't want you to go either."

"I know," Jarrod said, "but I have to. I know you'll take care of everything around here. You already do."

Nick stood up taller. "All right. But you better come home someday, or I'll come after you."

Jarrod chuckled, even though he knew Nick meant it and would probably do it. "Just promise me a couple things. If you come after me, you won't do it before you're seventeen, and you won't do it if Mother and Father object."

"Well, I'll give you the first one," Nick said. "I don't know about the second one."

"All right, fair compromise," Jarrod said. He pushed his things into a pair of saddlebags, saying, "Walk me out."

They left the room and went downstairs. There was no one in the foyer to see Jarrod off, which surprised and upset Nick but not Jarrod. He knew he was on his own the moment he left the library. Nick walked him out to the stable, just watching while Jarrod saddled up, just being with him.

"Come fetch my horse back from the livery sometime tomorrow, huh?" Jarrod asked as he led his horse out of the stable.

"All right," Nick said. He watched as Jarrod mounted up. He noticed his big brother look toward the house. Nick noticed that no one was looking back.

Jarrod smiled, a resigned smile. "Take care of everybody, Brother Nick. Especially yourself."

Nick watched his brother ride away, and even though he didn't want it to happen, he cried. Once Jarrod was out of sight, Nick wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He looked toward the house then and wondered what he was going to say to his parents. They let his adored older brother go away to war with only angry words left behind him. Nick wasn't sure he could forgive that.

"Nick!"

Nick heard his father call him from the library doors. Nick looked his way – and saw for the first time that his father had fear as well as anger in his eyes. Tom Barkley had never been afraid of anything, at least as much as Nick could see. But now he was scared. Was that why he let Jarrod go away without even saying good-bye? Was it the fear he didn't want his oldest son to see in his mind's eye while he fought a war back east?

Nick felt his heart flood with forgiveness. When Jarrod asked him to take care of everybody, he meant their parents, too. Nick vowed he would take care of everyone Jarrod was leaving behind.

But he also vowed that if this war lasted, he'd be heading east, too.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

July 1864

" _Just promise me a couple things. If you come after me, you won't do it before you're seventeen, and you won't do it if Mother and Father object."_

Nick remembered his promise to his older brother as his seventeenth birthday came and went. For a while afterward, he did not broach the subject of joining the army with his parents. The war was dragging on longer than anyone expected, and they hadn't seen Jarrod for more than three years now. He'd been in the field until he was wounded at Sharpsburg. Then he took a position with army intelligence in Washington, something he couldn't write home about but something he knew his parents thought might be even more dangerous. Now Jarrod's latest letter had just come. There was something about it that upset his parents a lot, but they would not let Nick see the letter or even tell him about it.

Nick was afraid that something had happened to Jarrod and his parents just weren't telling him. Nick remembered the fear in his father's eyes the night Jarrod left, and he wondered if it was fear now that kept his parents from letting him see Jarrod's letter. They had not kept his other letters from him. Just this one.

Were his parents afraid that if Nick read Jarrod's letter, he'd go off to the war, too? Nick had wanted to go off to the army for months, even before his birthday. He figured his parents did not want a repeat of Jarrod's last night with them, and Nick didn't want that either, but as the days wore on, Nick knew he had to tell them he wanted to go. It took another couple days for him to steady his nerve, but he did.

He approached them in the library after dinner, just as Jarrod had, but the reception he got was startlingly different. Nick expected more yelling. Instead, when he announced he was going to go, both his parents just nodded. Sadly, but they nodded.

His mother couldn't seem to speak, but his father said, "If you want to go, we won't stop you. But I want you to do this for me. I have an old friend, a general in the army in Tennessee, named Alderson. I've written to him about you. I've expected you to tell us you were going. He'll take you on as his aide, as a lieutenant. Please do that for us, Nick. The position won't keep you out of the fighting, but it will keep you toward the back a bit. Please do that, Nick."

His mother suddenly spoke up. "Nick, that last letter we got from your brother made what we're asking even more important. Jarrod's left his post in Washington. He'll be leading troops into battle again, the colored cavalry."

Nick tried to think why that would be such a frightening move on Jarrod's part. Surely his parents would be proud that Jarrod would be helping colored men earn their freedom. Then he remembered. He spoke his thoughts out loud. "The prisoner exchange program broke down when the Union began to field colored troops. If Jarrod gets captured, he'll be sent to a prison camp."

"Worse, Nick," his father said. "In several cases, the Confederates are not taking colored prisoners. They're killing them outright, and they're killing their white commanders, too."

"Nick, the chances that we'll lose Jarrod have gotten greater now that he's commanding colored troops," Victoria said, tears filling her eyes but her voice remaining steady.

Nick was still a little shocked that they were accepting his decision as easily as they were. He nodded. If they were willing to accept his going, and if Jarrod's life was now in more danger, of course he would do what they wanted and accept an aide's position. "I'll be an aide for General Alderson."

"When your brother left," Tom Barkley said, "it was with angry words from us. We don't want you to leave the same way. We're frightened for you, boy, but we understand that you believe you have to go. Go with our blessing. I'll wire General Alderson that you're coming."

His father turned away then. Nick understood his parents really did not want him to go, but they were letting him go. The least he could do was honor their wish that he have an aide's position. If Jarrod was going to bear a greater chance of getting killed back there, Nick decided he'd accept a lesser one.

"I will come back safe," Nick said firmly. "I know I will."

"Do you want us to tell Audra and Eugene?" Victoria asked.

Nick shook his head, remembering how Jarrod had talked to them the night he left. He was pretty sure they didn't even remember Jarrod anymore. Nick wanted to be sure they remembered him. "I'll talk to them in the morning. I'd like to head out by tomorrow afternoon."

"It'll be a long trip," Tom said, grateful that he had taken Nick on long business trips before. Nick would know how to travel. "You look out for yourself."

"I will," Nick promised.

He left the library, expecting that his brother and sister had gone to bed, but he was wrong. They were in the hall outside the library. They were looking up at him with tears in their eyes.

They were three years older now than they were when Jarrod left. They had heard what went on in the library and they knew it meant that Nick was leaving. They remembered that other young man who used to live here and didn't anymore, even if they didn't always remember his name.

"You're going away," seven-year-old Audra said. "You won't come back."

"Of course I will!" Nick said and bent in front of them. "What I'm going to be doing won't be very dangerous. I'll be home before you know it."

"You promise?"

Nick remembered. They hadn't made Jarrod promise. They didn't understand what he was going to, but now they understood, at least that it was scary. They hadn't made Jarrod promise, and he hadn't come back. Nick smiled and nodded. "I promise."

Audra threw her arms around Nick, and even though Eugene didn't, Nick pulled him into an embrace, too.

Then mentally, he cursed the war. He cursed the slavery that had ruined negro lives, divided his country and made one faction fight the other. He cursed the need to go, but he welcomed the opportunity. He would go see the elephant. He would do his duty, like his older brother was doing. And he was doing it with his parents' blessing.

"Don't worry, it'll be all right," he said to the children. "I'll be home before you know it."

XXXXX

March 1865

Nick was sick to his stomach, so sick he had to turn away and find a dark shadow to hide himself in before he vomited what little food was in his stomach. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. He couldn't believe what he was looking at now. So many dead, so many wounded and crying. And not just soldiers from his own outfit.

Civilians. Women, children, old men. People screaming in the streets and General Alderson finally turning his own men on the other men from his command who were killing the people of Mayville. For no reason, they were just killing them outright.

Nick vomited and vomited so much that only stomach acid was coming up when he finally stopped. The acid had burned his throat, and his voice was gone. He felt a hand on his back, and a voice asked, "You all right, son?"

Nick looked over his shoulder at General Alderson. "What happened?" he croaked.

"Just what you saw," Alderson said. "The commanders of a couple regiments lost control of their men. I didn't find out until it was too late." Alderson's voice closed on his words.

Nick could still hear the crying, the wailing, the other people vomiting. "What do we do now?"

"What we always do, boy," Alderson said. "We bury the dead and we treat the wounded and we go on."

"How do we go on? How do we go on after this? Our men killed all those women and children, and you turned our men on each other. How do we go on after this?"

"How do we go on after any of the battles we've been in? We just do. You get yourself some water, and then I want you to put together a burial detail. You're in charge of burying our men. Go on now."

Nick watched Alderson walk away. He prayed to God that he would never be as calm and businesslike as Alderson was being, not about something like this. War was war. The men you were fighting understood that. But you weren't supposed to kill innocent women and children, and you weren't supposed to kill your own men.

Nick did as he was ordered. He got some water and he organized burial details and he watched as his men buried their comrades, comrades they had just killed themselves. Nick watched other burial details bury the civilians – the little children who scarcely filled up a hole left after a bucket full of dirt was removed. Nick couldn't watch, but he couldn't stop watching either.

When it was all over, when he was back in the tent he shared with another young officer only to find out that man was dead, he sat on his cot and just held his head in his hands. He wished he was home. He wished this war was over and he was home and Jarrod was home and everything was the way it was before Jarrod had even gone away to school in San Francisco. He wished he was eleven years old again and had never seen the army or the war or especially those dead people who had eaten breakfast this morning and were now in their graves before bedtime.

He knew he would never blot this night out of his mind. He knew it was going to turn out to be one of the most important nights of his life, because now he understood there was no glory in war. There was only rampage and horror, and he just wanted it to end. He was afraid it never would.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

August 1865

"It's Jarrod!" Nick yelled from the library window, and he headed straight for the front door.

His parents and his siblings were right behind him, even though Audra and Eugene – now eight and seven – were holding back a bit. They knew the name Jarrod from everyone talking about him, but they didn't remember the person. When Nick had arrived home from the war two months earlier, they did remember him, since he'd only been gone for a little over a year and they were older when he left. They hugged him and kissed him over and over again. Now, Audra and Eugene looked at each other and wondered if they were going to be expected to fawn over this stranger in the same way.

Jarrod came in the front door, carrying the same saddlebags he had left with more than four years earlier but still in his blue uniform. It was the worse for wear, torn and bloodstained in spots. As he reached to shake Jarrod's hand Nick wondered why his brother was still wearing that thing. Why was he exposing the children to this?

Jarrod read his mind. "I know I look like the devil, but I had some civilian clothes I bought in a separate valise and it disappeared on the transport home. All I had left was one shirt and this uniform and I haven't had the chance to buy more. Hello, Father," he said and shook his father's hand.

Jarrod sported the remains of a gash on his temple, one that looked like it had been pretty nasty when he got it in battle. He was careful not to let it get in the way when hugged his mother and kissed her on the cheek. "Oh, Jarrod – " she said, reluctant to let him go.

He was almost as reluctant to let her go, but they finally parted and she took a good look at him. "My goodness, you must be a head taller and thinner, but you're so much stronger looking."

"She said the same thing to me," Nick said.

Jarrod looked at Nick closely. "Rightfully so, Brother Nick. You're a couple inches taller than I am now! Got a bit of a paunch there, though."

"You'll have one too as soon as you get a couple weeks of Silas's cooking in your stomach."

Jarrod spotted the children, both of them hiding behind Victoria a bit. "My gosh, can this be Audra and Eugene?"

The little ones' eyes were wide, and Audra even began to look teary. It had been so long since they'd seen Jarrod, they had no idea how to react to him.

Jarrod held back, understanding how they felt. "Don't you worry," he said. "I'll be getting rid of this uniform as soon as I get some better clothes."

"We'll have to buy you some," Tom Barkley said. "You won't fit into the clothes you had when you left."

"I didn't either," Nick said.

"Come on in here, boy," their father said and took Jarrod by the arm. "We already finished dinner. Have you eaten?"

"Yes, I have, I caught something fast in town," Jarrod said, laying the saddlebags down on the floor by the stairs. He followed his family into the living room. "And I won't sit down. This isn't the cleanest outfit I could have come home in."

The children sat down on the settee, cuddling close to their mother, still staring at this newcomer. Jarrod gave them a wink. Audra giggled.

Tom Barkley fetched a scotch for his oldest son. Jarrod thanked him. "We appreciated the letter that you'd be delayed coming home. Matt Parker got here almost a week ago and told us he'd been acquitted. You did a fine job, son."

Jarrod stared into his scotch for a moment. "When Matt wrote to me while things were winding down in the field and told me about the charges against him, I had to help. They knew they didn't really have anything on Matt. He had no idea he was giving away any secrets, and in fact, he didn't give any real secrets away. Nothing he said to the woman who turned out to be a spy was particularly sensitive."

"Still, Matt was frightened, and you stood by him," Victoria said. "He thanked us."

Jarrod smiled a little. Nick wondered if it was his imagination, but was there some kind of regret in his older brother's eyes? Regret for what?

As if he knew Nick was staring at him, Jarrod looked over at his brother. "I was glad I could help him," Jarrod said. "My very first court case. Lucky the army doesn't insist you be admitted to the bar to defend someone at a court martial, but my legal education did help."

"Were you able to keep up with it while you were back east?" Tom asked.

Jarrod nodded. "Some. I'll be going back to San Francisco next week. They'll give me a test to see where I should be placed at school, and I'll be going back to work for that firm I was working with before the war. With any luck, another year or so and I'll be coming home for good, admitted to the bar and everything." He looked at his father as he said that. He remembered his father had told him he wouldn't be welcome here anymore, before he left.

But Tom seemed to have forgotten that. Jarrod was just as happy to let it go, too.

Later, after he'd gone up to bed, Nick heard a knock at his door and, suspecting it was Jarrod, said, "Come on in."

Jarrod did come in, carrying the bottle of scotch and two glasses. "I thought two old soldiers might toast the end of the war, Brother Nick."

Nick had removed his shirt but was otherwise still dressed. He reached for a glass, and Jarrod gave one to him, then began to pour. "It's nice to hear you call me that again, Pappy."

Jarrod laughed. He'd almost forgotten that Nick had given him that nickname before he went away to school. "'Brother Nick' is better than 'lieutenant,' isn't it?" Jarrod said.

"Much better," Nick said.

"I didn't want to talk about it in front of everybody else, but I heard what happened at Mayville. I hope that didn't tie you up in knots too much."

Nick swallowed a bit of scotch. "I wasn't really involved until it was over. I just had to command the burial detail."

Jarrod swallowed some of his own drink. "I'm sorry it happened. Listen, if you want to talk about it – "

Nick shook his head. "That one's still a little tough for me. And I got quite a few other demons I need to put to rest anyway. I expect you have, too."

Jarrod nodded. "You're right, it's still hard to talk about some things. Probably always will be."

"I wish you weren't heading back to San Francisco so soon. You've still got a dent in your head."

Jarrod touched the head wound. "I need to get back into civilian life as soon as I can. Four years of war – I'm gonna need some help adjusting. So are you."

"You won't be here to help me."

"I'll only be a letter away. The mail ought to run a bit faster than it did during the war."

Nick chuckled. "It couldn't get much slower."

They finished their drinks, and Jarrod poured more. "I need to start finding my way again. And I don't want to wear out my welcome with Father."

"Oh, come on. Those old arguments are over."

"Knowing him and me, we'll take up some new ones. I just think I'll get over the war a bit quicker if I do it away from here, back in my pre-war life, without the risk of any arguments."

"Did you mean it when you said you'd be back for good in a year or so?"

Jarrod nodded. "Yes. I certainly plan to be. I should be able to do the family's work and even open my own practice at some point, and that will make life a little easier with Father. Once he sees me carrying my weight around here, I expect he'll find me easier to live with. By the way, Mother wrote me early on how pleased she was you and Father were getting you familiar with the ranch and the other family businesses. I'm proud of you, Nick. She thinks you could take over tomorrow if you needed to, and she's pretty pleased Father has some help."

Nick chuckled. "Well, I have to get back into the swing of things myself. It's coming back fast, though. I really like it, Jarrod – running the ranch, running the other interests. I'm kinda grateful you went off to train as a lawyer and then off to war. Made me realize what I really wanted out of life."

Jarrod broke into a big grin and clinked glasses with Nick. "Then I'm extra glad I left. Did us both a lot of good."

"Amen," Nick said.

Then they sat down and talked about the mundane aspects of war – the lousy food, the sore feet, the utter boredom for 90% of the time. They started in on some of the women camp followers they met, but Jarrod veered off of that subject fairly quickly – so quickly that Nick wondered if there were some woman or women in particular that Jarrod wanted to avoid talking about. Nick left it alone, and as the scotch disappeared and they grew more tired, Jarrod bid his brother good night. And they shared a big hug at the door.

"Glad you survived your tour of duty, Nick," Jarrod said.

Nick nodded. "Glad you survived yours, Jarrod. And I'm awful glad it's over."

"You got that right," Jarrod said, and headed for his room.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

October 1866

One thing had changed around the house since he'd been away, Jarrod noted. Now that he was about to have a serious discussion with his parents about beginning his own legal practice, Nick was present too. It made sense to Jarrod – after all, Nick was rapidly taking over portions of running the family businesses on his own. Nick should be there when family business was discussed. Nick should be there when the question of Jarrod's part in the running of the Barkley empire was planned out.

Except Jarrod was about to spring yet another surprise on the family. They had expected he would come home and work exclusively on the family business, but on the day he arrived, after dinner was finished and the little ones were put to bed, Jarrod asked that they all talk together in the library, and he opened by saying, "I've been offered a position with the District Attorney's office here in Stockton – Assistant District Attorney job, one year appointment with the possibility of an extension. I plan to take it."

"What?!" Tom Barkley yelled.

"Father, hear me out," Jarrod said. "Let me explain why. There's no better way for me to get courtroom experience – "

"What do you need courtroom experience for? You'll be working on contracts and real estate, not litigation."

"There will be litigation, Father, you know that," Jarrod said. "Things don't always work out smoothly. Now, it's a full time job, but I can do the family's work as we planned during my off hours and on weekends."

"You'll drive yourself into the ground," Victoria said, and her thoughts went back to the first years of her oldest son's life and the recurring pneumonia he suffered.

Jarrod shook his head. "I'll pace myself, and I'll only plan on it being for one year if it's too much of a strain. It's important to me to do this. It's a good opportunity."

Tom Barkley paced and strutted unhappily. "This isn't why we sent you to law school."

"I know, Father, you didn't want me to go in the first place, as I remember," Jarrod said, his voice getting tighter and tighter.

Nick heard another argument brewing. Jarrod had been home to stay for only one day, and there was already an argument. And Nick understood why it was happening. Nick himself felt a bit betrayed that Jarrod was planning to spend most of his time with the District Attorney, not doing the family's legal business. The more he thought about it and the more he watched his father pace, the more betrayed he felt.

"Father's right, Jarrod," Nick said. "This isn't why they sent you to law school."

Jarrod's eyes flashed at Nick, and Nick hardened his stare right back. They had had squabbles growing up, but this was the first big one since they became men, and this one was going to be a nasty one if they weren't careful.

Victoria saw what was happening, too. "Perhaps we should let Jarrod give it a try."

Now all eyes were on her.

"Jarrod, if it turns out that you can't keep up with the family business as well as the work in the District Attorney's office, can you resign that job?" Victoria asked.

Jarrod nodded. "Yes, at any time."

"Well, then," Victoria said. "What harm is there in letting Jarrod try his plan? If he can keep up with our work and the District Attorney's, there will be no problem."

Nick eyed his father, and to his surprise, his father looked back at him for his input. The feeling that Jarrod was betraying him suddenly disappeared, wiped out by the anger in his father's eyes. Now Nick felt trapped between his adored father and his adored older brother, but only for a moment. He said, "Maybe we should let Jarrod give it a try, Father. Like Mother said, there's not really much to lose."

Tom Barkley huffed and stopped pacing directly in front of his oldest son. "All right. We'll try it your way, but I make the call as to whether or not you're holding up your end of the work around here."

Surprisingly, Jarrod nodded. "That's fine with me, sir."

Victoria reached for her coffee, in front of her on the coffee table. "Well, that's settled."

But Tom Barkley left the room.

Jarrod sighed. "I'm sorry, Mother, Nick. But thanks for sticking up for me."

"Oh, I'm with Father on this," Nick said. "This isn't why they sent you to law school. You went back on the deal."

"Which is why I agreed to let Father make the call on it," Jarrod said, his voice growing tense again.

Nick just shook his head. "Let's hope it works out as well as you think it will," he said, and then he too left the room.

Nick found his father in the living room at the refreshment table. Tom Barkley saw Nick coming toward him, but he didn't look at him for long. "You could have backed me up better," Tom said.

Nick said, "I did back you up. You just left the room before you heard me do it."

Tom took a deep breath. "That brother of yours – he is so headstrong, it makes me want to – " He didn't finish the sentence.

Nick said, "You used to complain about me being headstrong."

"And you are," Tom snapped. Then he let out a huff of a breath. "You're two of a kind that way."

"Where do you think we get it from?" Nick asked.

Tom almost smiled. "You got it coming down both sides of the family."

"Well, then, we were doomed from the start," Nick said. "I do think you were right to be angry with him, Father, but he was right too. Working with the District Attorney is going to give him a lot of courtroom experience, and we are going to need it."

"I know that. I just don't like him making up his mind and dropping these decisions of his on us without our input."

"Father, he's a man now – twenty-three years old. He's already had a bunch of experiences you've never had."

"Nick, will you stop being the voice of reason? You're not telling me anything I don't already know."

"Then let it go, Father. We've reached a settlement between the four of us, and it's a good one. He'll try what he wants to try, and he'll let you make the call if it isn't working. Sounds like a decent plan to me."

Tom leveled a gaze on his middle son. "Didn't I just ask you to stop being the voice of reason?" he asked with a twinkle in his blue eyes.

Nick smiled. "Father, working beside you all this time has taught me how to be the voice of reason. But I'll get over it."

Tom Barkley finally laughed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

September 1868

Jarrod opened with, "You're probably not going to like this." Not the best way to begin this discussion, he knew, but at least it was direct and honest and after all these years, his family was probably used to the surprises Jarrod tended to bring to them.

But Tom Barkley glared at him, and even Nick got up from his seat on the edge of the desk. The two of them stood before Jarrod, waiting for the rest.

Victoria sat on the sofa, watching them all. "What aren't we going to like?" she finally asked.

Jarrod's gaze was on his father. "The firm I worked with in San Francisco has offered me a position."

"No," Tom Barkley said flatly.

"It's an excellent opportunity," Jarrod said. "Please, Father, hear me out. Let me explain why I think it would be good for all of us."

"We need you here," Tom Barkley said. "We sent you to law school to do our work."

"And I'll be doing our work. Father, you know the railroad plans to build a line down through the valley."

"So?"

"Father, they will start taking land by eminent domain. They will come after the ranchers, claiming they have easements when they don't have them, meaning they can virtually steal the land. The compensation will be nothing compared to the land's real value. And worse yet, there are plenty of farms the railroad has claimed they leased to the farmers, not sold, and they plan to take it back if the farmers can't buy them out. Working with the firm in San Francisco, I'll be able to fight the railroad and maybe even be able to get the railroad rerouted to a less damaging route."

"How is this good for us?" Nick asked, and he was sincere with the question, not flippant.

"If the railroad is allowed to take whatever farms and ranches it wants, the production of crops and cattle in this valley will be reduced. They may not come after us directly, they may not try to take any of our land, but they might. And even if they don't, they'll affect production in this valley to the extent that it will affect all of us here. There's no stopping the railroad, but working with this firm in San Francisco, I might be able to minimize the disruption."

Tom Barkley backed away. Jarrod was making sense, even to him. Jarrod's work and connections were making him see something that Tom hadn't seen yet – trouble coming. Big trouble.

"I'll be doing things like lobbying the legislature for better protection," Jarrod went on. "I'll be fighting in court for better compensation for the farmers and less damaging routes for the railroad line and keeping the railroad from claiming for compensation for land they already sold. Father, it may not be a serious problem now, but if it keeps up it will be serious in another year or so."

Tom Barkley stopped by the fireplace and turned around. He looked toward his wife, then toward Nick, trying to read their thoughts. Then he looked at Jarrod. "Jarrod, could this turn into a shooting war at some point?"

"Yes, it could," Jarrod said. "And I don't know if it's already too late to stop it, but I want to try. I have to try."

Tom looked at Victoria and Nick again. "If this affects all of us – we all should be deciding about whether to let Jarrod go or not."

"Are you going to be able to keep up with the regular work around here – the contracts and land agreements and such?" Nick asked.

"Maybe after a while, but at first you'd have to go back to an attorney in town," Jarrod said.

"We're talking about you making a personal investment in your own future, as well as ours, aren't we?" Victoria asked.

"Yes," Jarrod said. "This will be good for me personally, but I'm being sincere when I say that my main reason for wanting to take the position is because I see so much trouble coming to all of us here in the valley. I can't do much about it if I'm only doing the family work here. I can do something about it if I take this job."

"When will you need to leave?" his father asked.

"Tomorrow," Jarrod said.

Tom looked at Victoria and Nick again. They each nodded slightly. "I want the same understanding that we had when you took the job with the District Attorney. If I feel we need you here, you have to be willing to quit and come back, no questions asked."

Jarrod mulled it over. "Just one caveat."

"No caveats."

"Just one," Jarrod insisted. "If I'm in the middle of something I can't turn over to someone else – especially something involving the railroad – I need to be able to finish it up to the point I can leave it. If I'm before the legislature arguing to keep the railroad from devastating this valley, I have to finish it."

Tom looked at Victoria and Nick again.

"It's that important, Father," Jarrod said.

Victoria and Nick nodded.

"All right," Tom said. "Come home when you can."

Jarrod did not feel comfortable with his father's demeanor. Tom Barkley was still not convinced Jarrod needed to go. "I'll go pack," Jarrod said and left the library.

Tom watched the door close behind him. Nick said, "Do you think he's right about the threat from the railroad?"

"He may be," Tom said. "They have gotten grabby on land east of here, but they've never taken land in an area as fertile and important to agriculture as this. I'd like to think they had the brains to recognize that, but once men get the kind of power these men have – you never know what they're going to do."

Jarrod made his way upstairs to his room and began to pack, thinking ahead to living in San Francisco, wondering how to find a place to live, how much it was going to cost, all the mundane things involved with moving. He didn't even realize someone had come into his room behind him until he turned and saw her there.

Audra was going on eleven years old now, and no slouch. She understood more than her brothers and her parents gave her credit for. She knew right away what was going on, by the amount of clothing Jarrod was starting to pack. "You're going away again."

In the time Jarrod had been home, he had grown much closer to his youngest siblings, especially Audra. He had consciously spent a lot of time with them, to make up for all those years he was gone. He had read them bedtime stories and he had dried their tears when the world had been mean to them. He'd even spoiled them with a bit of candy now and then when no one was looking. He'd really come to love them, and they loved him.

And now he was going to leave them again. "Not all that far," Jarrod said, turning and coming toward her. "And I'll be back now and then."

"It won't be like it was when you went to war."

Jarrod smiled and took her by the shoulders. "No, it won't be like that."

She put her arms around his midsection. "Did you argue with Father again?"

"Only a little bit," Jarrod said.

"And Nick and Mother?"

"Not so much."

"When you came back from the war, I didn't even know who you were."

"I know," Jarrod said. "You were too little when I went away."

"Do you have to go away now?"

"Yes, I do. There's important work I need to do."

"That's what you said when you went away to the war."

Jarrod was surprised. "You remember that?"

"I don't remember much, but I remember that."

"Well, I promise you, I won't be gone more than a few weeks at a time. I'll come back as much as I can."

"Nick isn't going, is he?"

"No, no, Nick isn't going. Nick runs the ranch and everything else with Father now. He's too important here to go away."

"You're important, too."

"I know, but the work I need to do isn't here. It's in San Francisco and Sacramento."

Audra sighed a big sigh. "If you have to go, all right, but don't forget us."

Jarrod laughed and kissed her hair. "How could I forget you? Even when I was far away at war, I never forgot you. Don't worry. I'll never forget you."

Audra just held him, and he held her for a long time. She made him ache about going, but he knew he was doing the right thing, for himself, for his family, for the valley. He only hoped what he was going to do would make some kind of difference.

He only hoped it was not already too late.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

May 1869

They were trying everything they could to avoid going to war with the railroad. The Coastal and Western had begun to make serious land grabs, insisting they had right of way over property that farmers and ranchers had worked for years, or owned it outright. Bit by bit the smaller farms were being taken completely, and larger ones divided in half.

It started so slowly that many people beyond those directly affected even noticed, but Tom Barkley did. He got 100% behind Jarrod's attempts to go to the legislature to get new laws passed to protect the landowners, but the legislature would have none of it. They wanted the railroad to build a connection through the valley, through Stockton, all the way up to Sacramento. The Barkleys supported the idea, but not the way it was being carried out. The landowners were being robbed blind. Even though Barkley land was not affected, Tom Barkley knew at some point it probably would be. He knew the fight had to start now, before so many of the smaller landowners were wiped out that this valley was no longer able to produce the crops and herds of cattle that it was used to producing.

Tom had summoned his oldest home, and Jarrod was at a point in his work that he could come right away. He knew what his father was calling him for. He appreciated, more than his family would ever know, that his father had changed his feelings toward the work he was doing. He appreciated that his father wanted and even needed his expertise and his input.

"Do we have some kind of grounds to sue?" Tom asked his oldest son as they met in the library in the afternoon. Victoria and Nick were there, too.

"We don't, but the affected landowners do," Jarrod said. "I'll talk to them, see if they'll let me represent them. We'd need to get injunctions first to keep the railroad at bay until we can get them into court. We may not be able to do much more than get a fair compensation out of them for what they intend to take, but you know I'd try for a reroute if it doesn't damage someone else worse."

"I don't know how you keep this stuff straight," Nick said. "But isn't it gonna take time, Jarrod? We don't have the time. Those landowners the railroad is going after don't have the time."

"That's what the injunctions are for, to keep the railroads away and give us the time."

Victoria said, "We can get the landowners here for a meeting with Jarrod."

Jarrod nodded. "That would be the way to go. A man is more able and willing to fight if he has his neighbors standing beside him."

"I'll start going out to see these guys," Nick said. "When do you want to have this meeting?"

"Tomorrow morning if possible, about eight?" Jarrod asked.

"Send McCall to some of them, Nick," Tom said.

Nick nodded and headed straight for the door.

"But listen," Tom said before Nick got out, speaking to both of his sons. "We have to be ready to fight about this. I mean absolute war. Shooting war."

Nick nodded. Jarrod was reluctant.

"It may come to that, Jarrod," Tom said. "We're standing with you today on this. Are you ready to stand with us if it goes bad tomorrow?"

Jarrod took a deep breath, looked at both his parents and his brother, and nodded. "I'll be with you."

Nick hurried off then. He found McCall in the stable yard and told him what needed to be done, and in a few minutes, both Nick and McCall were off to the ranches and farms in the area to get the landowners to a meeting in the morning.

Nick hadn't felt so energized since the first battle he'd been in in the war. Maybe it was because he knew this could turn into a shooting war, too, or maybe it was because he might be able to help Jarrod stop it. For the first time he was helping his brother in the work he was doing, work he did not understand very well but he now knew, good and solid, how important it was.

He went to Frank Sample's farm first. Sample was a little older than Jarrod, married with kids. His parents had come here when Tom and Victoria Barkley came, so he had an affinity for the Barkleys. Nick found him coming out of his corral after getting some feed in the manger there.

"Frank, how are you?" Nick called as he dismounted.

"All right, Nick," Sample said. "Don't much like what I'm hearing about the railroad starting to claim land."

"That's what I'm here about," Nick said. "Jarrod's home from Sacramento. He wants to meet with all the property owners in the area – whether you've got the railroad on your back yet or not. We want to talk about what he can do to keep the railroad away, maybe stop a shooting war before it starts."

Sample looked hesitant. "You really think he can do that? The railroad seems to be getting all the laws made their way."

"I can't guarantee he can do anything, but we have to try, Frank. We've got to try everything we can to stop the railroad from stealing any more land. Can you come to our place tomorrow morning, about eight?"

"All right, I'll be there. But Nick – if things get so bad that my place is threatened, I expect the Barkleys to stand beside me if I have to fight."

"That I can guarantee, Frank. We'll all stand beside each other. But let's see if Jarrod can stop this before it comes to that."

Sample didn't look all that optimistic, but he nodded.

Nick went to every ranch and farm he had arranged with McCall to go to, and he got pretty much the same reaction from every landowner he met with. They would come to the meeting. They weren't optimistic that Jarrod could stop the railroad with his legal tricks, but they were willing to talk. And Nick knew they were coming mainly to be sure their neighbors would stand with them if a war came.

Jarrod was grateful and energized when Nick and McCall got back with promises from a score of landowners that they would come to the meeting. "It means a lot to me, Nick," Jarrod said, "that you trust me to try to head this trouble off."

They were alone now in the stable yard. The sun was bright and promising. Nick said, "I hope you can do it, Jarrod. I hate to think what might happen if this comes to a shooting war."

"So do I," Jarrod said. "You and I have seen enough shooting war. We've seen enough men die. I'll do everything in my power to keep that from happening, but like you, if it comes to a fight, I'll be there."

"I hope you're ready to tell that to these men coming here tomorrow. That's mainly what they want to hear, because I don't think they have a lot of faith in the law right now."

Jarrod sighed. "Can't say I blame them. Everything we've tried so far with the legislature has failed. The railroad men just have too much political power. But maybe not with the courts. Most judges are still fair men who don't let politics or powerful men keep them from doing the right thing."

"I hope you're right, Jarrod."

Jarrod put an arm around Nick's shoulder. "It means a lot to me that you're fighting to let me try. Father, too. He hasn't always stood with me on what I want to do."

Nick chuckled. "More like never. It's kind of nice _not_ hearing the two of you argue about your plans."

"Yeah, it's kind of nice not being on the receiving end of his anger. But you know – I could have handled all that differently. Maybe if I hadn't just announced my intentions every time I wanted to do something. Maybe if I had just talked to Mother and Father before dropping my plans on them. Lesson to learn, Nick. Don't make my mistakes."

"Already learned it, Jarrod," Nick said with a smile. "That's the handy thing about having an older brother around. You can make all the mistakes while I learn all the lessons."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

May 1870

Everything was an ugly blur even though Nick stood staring at something that was so permanently still. Jarrod's attempt to stop the shooting war hadn't worked. The shooting came at the edge of the Barkley property when Tom Barkley and so many of his neighbors and friends moved to stop the railroad thugs before they got to a neighboring property the railroad intended to take. All the landowners who promised to stand with one another a year earlier, if the shooting started, had stood with Tom Barkley and Nick Barkley when the war came. They had stopped the railroad taking that neighbor's land, at least for now. But so many men – neighbors, friends – had died in the process.

Tom Barkley had died.

Nick stood looking at his father in his coffin in the library, feeling the world whirling around him, unbelieving. But he had to believe. He had held his father while he died out there in the beautiful valley he loved. Tom's last word – "Don't – " And then he was gone.

Nick thought he understood. His father would have said, "Don't give up," he thought. Right now, he wasn't sure, but that's what he thought his father was trying to say.

His mother was in her room, asleep with the help of the doctor's potion. Audra and Eugene were just wandering around in a daze. Nick consoled them whenever he could, but right now he needed some time to himself, with his father. He needed time to accept what had happened, and what it meant. Tom Barkley was gone. Nick had to be Tom Barkley now, in running the ranch and the other family businesses, and in being the figurehead of this resistance to the railroad.

Because Jarrod wasn't here. He hadn't stood with his father and his brother and his neighbors. He had been in Sacramento, still trying uselessly to stop the war legally. Jarrod wasn't here, when he should have been here. Nick was livid.

Jarrod came in quietly behind his brother, stopping when he saw Nick in tears, staring at the open coffin. Jarrod had arrived about an hour ago, but he'd gone to comfort Audra and Eugene, and he'd looked in on his sleeping mother, before he worked up the courage to face Nick and that coffin. But now he was here.

He walked up and stood beside his brother, and he looked down at his dead father. Nick had tears, but Jarrod had none in him, not yet. He didn't know why. Unable to come up with any good words, either, Jarrod just said, "I saw to the little ones, looked in on Mother. I think they'll all sleep for a while now."

Nick said nothing, did not even nod. He didn't want his brother here beside him now, not when he wasn't there when they needed him.

"Are you all right?" Jarrod asked. "Did you get hurt?"

"Do you care?" Nick asked.

Jarrod's heart sank. "Nick, let's not get into an argument, not now. I know I wasn't here in time. The stage broke an axle. It took too long to fix and it got delayed beyond that too. I couldn't do anything about that."

"You could have come here on horseback. You could have gotten here."

"Nick, don't do this to me. You think I like that I wasn't here?"

Nick turned fiercely angry eyes on his brother. "I don't know what you like or don't like. I just know you weren't here."

"I'm here now," Jarrod said. "I've left my job for good and I'm here for good."

Now Nick was startled. He hadn't expected that.

"My firm can keep fighting the legal fight without me," Jarrod said. "I know I need to be here, and I'm sorry I wasn't here to fight beside you. Maybe Father – "

The tears finally came, suddenly and unexpectedly. Jarrod caught them in a sob and kept them from overwhelming him.

Nick's anger eased. "I'll need you to help me keep the ranch going. I know what I'm doing, but I need your help with the contracts and the easements and all that stuff you used to do. I'll need you, Jarrod."

"I'll be here, Nick," Jarrod said. "We'll keep things going. I know you know how to do it. You call the shots, and I'll give you whatever help you need. Leave Mother and the little ones to me after the funeral. For now – we just need to be together, bury Father, get ready to go on."

Nick caught a sob of his own, staring up at the ceiling as if he could see right through it to the sky, to his father up there in heaven, looking down on them. How could he ever live up to that man?

Jarrod felt the same way. "We're brothers, you know. We can do this. We can live up to what Father was."

"There's a big empty hole in me, Jarrod," Nick said. "I don't know what I was thinking. Somehow I had it in my head that he couldn't die, that while we were out there and the bullets were flying all over the place he wouldn't be hit. But then he went down, like a tree somebody just cut off right at the ground. He died – " Nick sobbed again. "I got down beside him and he died in my arms."

Jarrod envied Nick his grief. Stupid, he realized, but as deeply as he felt his father's loss, he knew Nick felt it even more. Was it because Nick had always been here beside him and Jarrod had always found his way off somewhere? Maybe. Maybe it was all the arguments through the years, but maybe it was just because he wasn't here enough to get to know the man, not like Nick knew him.

Nick misread him. "I'm sorry I got mad at you for not being here. You were doing your best for us. You were doing things none of the rest of us could do. It's not your fault it didn't work."

Jarrod shook his head. "I wish I could have been two places at once. I wish I could have been with you, Nick. When you were born, I promised God I would always take care of you. I didn't live up to that."

"Yeah, you did," Nick said. "Even when you weren't here, you were taking care of me. I always knew that."

Jarrod's tears came more freely now. Nick put an arm around him, and Jarrod put his arm around Nick. Suddenly, Jarrod looked over his shoulder. Their sister was there, coming up behind them. Jarrod moved his arm from Nick's shoulders and invited Audra to come to them. She came in between them. They put their arms around her.

"Hang in there, sweetheart," Jarrod said. "We're all gonna be okay."

"I miss him so much already," Audra said quietly.

"So do I," Nick said. "But he'd want us to carry on, and we will. Tomorrow, I think you ought to take your pony out and give him some exercise. Father wouldn't want him to go without exercise."

"All right," Audra said. "Will you be going out with the herd tomorrow?"

"Yes," Nick said. "Jarrod, there's still work to do at the courts, injunctions to get."

"I know, Nick. I'm already working on them," Jarrod said.

Audra said, "Nick, maybe you can take Eugene out to the herd with you. I think he needs it. I'll take Mother riding with me, if she wants to come."

Nick and Jarrod smiled at each other, pleased to see Audra was trying to take part of the responsibilities for the next few days.

"I'll come with you."

They heard her voice at the door and all turned. Jarrod went to her right away. "Mother, I thought you'd sleep a bit longer," he said, kissed her and put a supporting arm around her.

Victoria shook her head. "I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. When did you get here, darling?"

"A little over an hour ago," Jarrod said. "Problems with the stage made me so late."

Victoria began moving toward the coffin, and Jarrod helped her. Nick and Audra moved aside a little, and Victoria drew closer. Her tears came right away. "Oh – oh, Tom – "

Jarrod kissed her hair and squeezed her softly. "We'll get through this, Mother. I won't be going back to Sacramento or San Francisco. I'm going to stay right here for a while."

"Thank you," Victoria said, her gaze never leaving her husband's face. He would never sleep beside her in their bed again. She would never touch his chest, kiss his mouth, hold him late at night or early in the morning. "Would you all mind? I want a few minutes alone."

Jarrod kissed her one more time as he and his siblings left. Victoria heard the door quietly close, and she let her sobs come out freely. "We'll do our best, my love, but I don't know how I'm going to go on without you. I've loved you from the minute I laid eyes on you in our freight depot. Such a long time ago, so much we accomplished together. All the memories, Tom."

She couldn't speak anymore. She could only sit down beside the coffin and cry, and remember.

After ten minutes or so, Jarrod looked in on her silently, but seeing her there, holding onto the edge of the coffin while she sat there, he decided to leave her alone for a while longer. He left and closed the door.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

June 1872

"No," Jarrod said. How many times did he say that in the course of a day? Was there ever any fifteen-year-old girl as headstrong and wild as his little sister? Did she ever want to do anything that he could say yes to?

"It's just over to the Wheeler ranch – " she started to protest.

"The Wheeler ranch is too far for you to go alone, so don't you try it," Jarrod said, trying to finish some contracts for shipping the fruit to be picked soon and ride herd on Audra at the same time.

Eugene, not yet fourteen, came in on the conversation. "I can ride with her."

"No," Jarrod said. "Audra's too young to go that far, even with you, and Nick has everybody out moving that new cattle in with the herd so there's no one available to ride with you. You stay on the property. That's final."

"Father would have let me go," Audra said.

"He would not have, so don't pull that line on me!" Jarrod said more firmly, even pointing his pen at her for emphasis. "Why don't you both go out to the north ridge? Gene, you can see if you can be of any help to Nick. He might even have something you can help with at the chuck wagon, Audra. If you want to ride somewhere, ride there. Do something useful."

Jarrod went back to his contracts. Audra huffed, "Sometimes I wish you'd never come home from the war!" and she and Eugene left.

Jarrod gave them a wary eye as they left. Yes, she thought she meant that, but she pulled it out so often that she really didn't mean it. It had just become her go to comeback when Jarrod would not let her do what she wanted to do.

Victoria came in a couple minutes later, carrying coffee and saying, "I told her 'no' too."

Now twenty-nine, Jarrod was already past the age he should have been married and having his own family, but the war and his education and his work and his family obligations had kept him pretty much occupied and, lately, pretty much anchored to the ranch. Not that he hadn't given courting and marriage a lot of thought. Not that he hadn't been thinking about ways to meet that certain young woman to steal his heart. He'd been thinking about that for half his life now. It was just that so many other things had always come first.

Right now, coffee was coming first. He put his pen down and joined his mother on the sofa. She had already poured a cup for him and she handed it to him, saying, "I used to think that you and Nick had the hardest heads in the Barkley family, but Audra has you both beat."

"You don't think she'll go sneaking off to the Wheeler ranch against our wishes, do you?" Jarrod asked and sipped coffee.

"If she does, it's your knee she'll get turned over. You scare her more than I do."

Jarrod chuckled. "I doubt that's true, but I'll do the turning if it comes to that."

"I know you have your plate full with the regular work and the railroad, but I do appreciate how you've helped with the children. It's been tough since your father died."

"Of course it has," Jarrod said. "Even they understand that. They've been going a bit easy on you and taking it out on me instead, and that's all right, but they're probably going to ease off on the grace period and start giving you more problems as time goes on."

"Oh, I know. I can see it already. Besides, you need to be thinking more about your own life – your own family life, not just your career."

"Well," Jarrod said, "I don't disagree with you, but there's still a lot to keep me busy here. Nick is doing spectacularly in running the ranch and the family business, but he does still need a helping hand now and then."

"I wish Eugene were a bit older. A younger brother he can teach about the ranch is exactly what Nick needs, but Eugene is still too young. Maybe in another three or four years."

"Mother, I don't know if you've noticed, but Gene doesn't exactly have a rancher's temperament. He's more like me. It might be me taking him under my wing, not Nick."

"Well, if that happens, then it happens. Or if he wants something else entirely, that's fine too. Now, talk to me some more about your plans to open an office in town."

Jarrod raised an eyebrow. "How did you know about that?"

"When I was in town yesterday, Mr. Price asked me if you'd made up your mind on that office space yet. When were you going to tell me?"

"When I made up my mind. Having an office in town will help with the work I see coming at court."

"Railroad?"

"They'll be back again, Mother. My contacts in San Francisco have told me that they've been increasing their lobbying efforts in Sacramento. They want to run a new line in the valley."

"Are you considering going back to work for that firm in San Francisco?"

"No," Jarrod said, and Victoria was surprised. He added, "But once I get settled in Stockton, I am thinking about opening my own office in San Francisco."

Now she was really surprised, and not all that happy about it.

Jarrod said, "If things heat up with the railroad again, I'll need to be closer to the people making it heat up. But San Francisco is probably a year or more away. I will open the office in Stockton, within the next month. I intend to broaden my practice, take on clients from town. But I'll still be here to do the family business and help you with Audra and Eugene."

"Have you discussed any of this with Nick yet?"

"No. I'm hoping he'll still let me live here," Jarrod said with a chuckle.

Their father had bequeathed all of his real property to Nick, with a life estate to Victoria so that she would always live at the mansion. But while the income from the family businesses was shared among them all, Jarrod, Audra and Eugene lived here solely with Nick's permission. Victoria didn't worry much that he might withdraw that, at least not where Audra and Eugene were concerned, but there were times Nick and Jarrod nearly came to blows. Even though Jarrod was laughing about it, Victoria had wondered once or twice when arguments got extreme if Nick was about to throw Jarrod out.

Jarrod saw her concern. "Don't worry, Mother. Nick won't kick me out. He's not ready to be father to the kids and share your decision making about them. And if he does give me the heave-ho, I'll soon have some nice office space in Stockton to call home."

Victoria heaved a sigh. "I suppose, if you take on new clients, it might lead to me finally having a daughter-in-law and grandchildren."

Jarrod laughed harder. "It very well might, Mother."

"When will you tell Nick about opening a Stockton office?"

"When the deal is finalized."

"He might get angry."

"Nick gets angry about anything that changes. We'll be all right."

Nick was angry all right. When Jarrod told him he'd be opening an office in town and spending more time there, Nick all but blew up. "You told me you would be here to help out with the ranch and the kids!"

"And I will be," Jarrod said calmly, "assuming you still let me live here."

"Why in the world do you want to open an office in town? You have everything you need to take care of our legal affairs here."

"But I'm not earning any money here, Nick," Jarrod said. "I need to bring in some capital of my own, other than what the family businesses bring me. I need to expand the kind of law I practice. Someday I may want to move on. I'm nearly thirty, Nick. I need to get my own life in order."

Nick still glared. "So how do you picture this happening?"

"I'll spend several days a week in the office in town, taking on new clients. I'll spend the rest of the time out here, looking after the family and doing the work I've been doing. It'll work out, Nick."

"All right, but I want the same deal you gave Father. If what you're doing in town keeps you from doing what I need you to do, I want the right to call you back."

Jarrod wondered, but he said, "All right, but if we disagree on that, Mother gets to arbitrate and decide which of us is right."

That surprised Nick, but he gave it a thought. "All right. I'll go for it, if Mother does."

When they asked Victoria, she nodded right away. "I've already been arbitrating your arguments since your father died. I'll arbitrate on this, too."

"All right," Nick said. "All right. Open your office."

Nick left, heading for the kitchen. Victoria smiled at Jarrod a bit. "This will be good for him, too. He's leaned on you a bit too much. Now he'll have to handle more things without you."

"He'll be fine," Jarrod said. "He really doesn't need me."

"Well, you never know what's going to happen in life, but you're right, he'll be fine no matter what. He's a fine man. And so are you. I'm proud of you both."

Jarrod gave her a kiss. "Thank you, Lovely Lady."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

September 1873

Nick exploded and was across the whole library in two big strides. "San Francisco?! You can't be serious!"

"I am serious, Nick," Jarrod said, staying calm at least for now.

"I'm NOT going for it!"

"I don't need you to approve it, Nick, but hear me out before you burst a blood vessel. The railroad is getting more and more aggressive and we can't let them get the upper hand, or we're going to end up with another shooting war. I have to be in San Francisco – that's where the back room deals are being made and where the legislative war is going to start. I have to be there if I'm going to be more effective than I was three years ago."

"Oh, and are you going to guarantee me you're going to be more effective, because you sure didn't help things the last time!"

Jarrod expected that kind of reaction from Nick. Sooner or later, he'd throw their father's killing into his face, and Jarrod had decided long ago that when Nick did that, he'd let him.

But Victoria quickly said, "Nick, don't go there. Jarrod's not to blame for what happened three years ago."

Nick wouldn't argue with his mother, although he wanted to. He turned away from both his mother and his brother – and he saw a couple shadows moving in the hall, under the library door. He knew who was listening. Even he knew he'd have to temper himself or Audra and Eugene would be bursting through that door to defend their surrogate father.

Jarrod saw the shadows, too. "Nick, look," he said. "I can be a hundred times more effective in San Francisco than I can here, and even if I can't stop a shooting war, maybe I can shorten it. I'll be of a lot more use there than I will be here."

Nick turned back toward Jarrod again. "So how much time are we talking about you spending there?"

"To get myself set up might take a couple months or more."

"A couple months?!"

"Nick – " Victoria said, and glanced at the door. She had seen the shadows, too.

Nick calmed down again. "And after that?"

"A month or two at a time," Jarrod said. "I'd get back here for a couple weeks at a time in between, at least as I see things now. And if you had something important that only I could do, I could be back in a day if you wire me, or you can ship things to me in the same amount of time."

Nick turned again, then came back around and spoke more quietly. "And what about Eugene and Audra? I don't have the time to help mother raise them."

"As Jarrod said, he'll only be a day away if an emergency arises," Victoria said, just as quietly. "I can handle things day to day."

"Audra is as headstrong as Jarrod and I ever were," Nick said.

"True," Victoria said, "but she reins in pretty well once you talk to her, and you have a way with her, Nick. She feels like you understand her. I think you'll be more effective in less time than you think."

"Besides, you have to learn how to raise children sometime, Nick," Jarrod said. "You'll be having your own before you know it."

Nick heaved a sigh. "All right. But I want the same deal, Jarrod."

"Including Mother as arbitrator," Jarrod said.

Nick nodded. "And you break the news to Audra and Eugene."

Jarrod glanced toward the door. "I think they already know." He spoke louder. "Do you two want to come in here?"

The door opened, and sixteen-year-old Audra and fifteen-year-old Eugene came in. "We heard you," Audra said. She looked at Jarrod. "You're leaving again."

Jarrod nodded. "I have to, honey. It's very important."

"And what about me?" Eugene asked. "You were going away to school when you were about my age. I want that chance, too."

"And you'll get it," Jarrod said. "If I expand my practice, we'll have even more money coming in. I'll send you to school, maybe to the same place I went."

"Wait a minute," Nick said. "I was hoping to have a little help around here, and you need to start learning the ropes."

"I wasn't talking about leaving just yet, Nick," Eugene said. "I don't even know what I want to study yet."

"Law, maybe?" Jarrod asked with a grin.

Eugene said, "Medicine, maybe."

"I wish I'd had a doctor around here when the two of you were growing up," Victoria said to Jarrod and Nick.

They were beginning to ease up with Jarrod's decision – all of them except Audra. She still looked unhappy and said, "I still wish you wouldn't go. You're always going."

They all privately admitted she was right about that. Jarrod went to her and put an arm around her. "It does seem to be that way, doesn't it? But it won't be like when I went to war. I'll be back more often."

"You'd better be," Audra said with an impish grin, "or I'll act even more headstrong than I do now just to get you back."

"I guess the decision's made," Nick said. He offered a hand to Jarrod. "Here's wishing you luck, Pappy."

"Thanks, Nick," Jarrod said and shook his hand.

XXXXXXXXXX

February 1874

Victoria sat beside her middle son's bed, worrying, trying not to cry. Nick had been injured when his horse threw him and he hit his head on a rock, the morning before. The doctor had diagnosed a concussion, and the problem was that he wasn't waking up. Victoria wasn't horribly worried yet – her sons had all knocked themselves out at one time or another – but they had always come back around within twenty-four hours at most. Nick had been out for over thirty hours now, and he still showed no signs of even moving.

Victoria was thinking about going downstairs for some lunch but was hesitant to leave him. Then Jarrod came in. They had sent for him the evening before and Victoria had expected him earlier in the morning.

"I'm sorry, Mother," was the first thing he said. "The overnight train was delayed. How's he doing?"

"He's not waking up," Victoria said. "The doctor said he'd be by again this afternoon."

"How long has it been?"

"Close to thirty-one hours. He hasn't moved at all."

"Does the doctor think there's a skull fracture?"

"No, but he's sure there's a concussion. He's not sure when Nick will wake up – if he will wake up."

Jarrod squeezed her shoulders. "Hey, now, don't fret. Nick has the hardest head in central California, you now that. He'll wake up."

"I'm really worried, Jarrod. If he does wake up – if there's some residual damage – "

"Stop now. Don't borrow trouble. Whatever happens, we will deal with it, but he will wake up, and he'll be fine in a couple days. In the meantime, I'll stay and take care of the business concerns until he's able to do it again."

"I do wish Eugene were in a better position to cover for Nick while he's laid up, but Eugene isn't taking to the ranching and the business end of things the way Nick wants."

"I know, Nick wrote me about that. Father had Nick to lean on. I wish Nick could lean on Eugene but the kid just isn't interested."

"Is being here taking you away from anything important in San Francisco?"

"Nothing that can't be put off or handed off to my friend Nat. Have you eaten?"

"No, I was just about to go down and get something to eat."

"Why don't you go ahead and do that? Audra and Eugene are sitting down to lunch now. They're pretty scared, too. They could use you with them. I'll stay with Nick."

Victoria slowly got up. Jarrod could see her eyes were red, and she was moving as if she were ten years older than she was. Jarrod gave her a hug and a kiss.

And Nick said, "What are you doing here, Big Brother?"

"Well," Jarrod laughed, and Victoria sat down again and took Nick's hand. "Nice of you to rejoin the living, Brother Nick."

Nick's eyes were tired, but he was smiling. "Don't tell me I'm hurt bad enough to drag you away from the big city," he said wearily.

"Let's just say your hard head didn't protect you enough this time," Jarrod said.

"How do you feel, Nick?" Victoria asked. "Can you move everything? Can you see all right?"

Nick thought about it. "Head hurts, but everything seems to work all right. Yes, I know you're my mother and this is my lawyer big brother and the year is 1874. Have I been out for a while?"

"Thirty hours," Victoria said.

"Hmm," Nick said. "Guess I needed some rest. You gonna stick around a while, Pappy?"

"Till I'm sure you're functioning, at least as well as you ever did," Jarrod said.

"Ha-ha," Nick said with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. "When do I get to eat?"

"Oh, he's all right," Jarrod said.

"He won't be when he realizes all he's going to get for a while is broth," Victoria said.

"Broth," Nick said, this time with a sneer. "I want a steak."

"We'll see what the doctor has to say about that," Victoria said.

"Mother, why don't you go see to Audra and Gene?" Jarrod said, not wanting to mention lunch with Nick listening. "I'll keep Nick awake."

Victoria got up again, moving better this time, and she kissed Nick on the forehead. Nick smiled. "Bring on the broth," he said, and Victoria laughed.

As she went out, Jarrod sat down. "Well, looks like I'll have to take care of the ranch for a few days."

"I can trust McCall with the ranch, but don't you mess up my books," Nick said.

"I won't touch your books," Jarrod said.

"I didn't say that," Nick said, and he smiled at his brother. "I'm sorry I had to bring you home this way, but it's good to see you, Jarrod. You haven't been here for weeks."

"I know," Jarrod said. "The legislature's back in session. It's been pretty busy."

"The railroad?"

Jarrod nodded. "The railroad."

Nick sighed. "I don't want another war, but if we have to have one, can you hold it off until I'm up and around again? I want another crack at those s.o.b.s."

"You'll be up and around long before the roof caves in, if it caves in."

"You think it will?"

Jarrod frowned. "Yes, I think it will."

Nick sighed. "You better be here this time if we have to shoot it out."

Jarrod knew Nick had never really forgiven him for not being here when their father died. He nodded. "I'll do everything in my power to be here before that happens this time, Nick. I'm sorry I let you down last time."

Nick closed his eyes but said, "All right. How about a cup of coffee?"

"If Mother will allow," Jarrod said, getting up. "Stay right there, though. She'll box your ears if you try to get up."

"I will. I don't need a second concussion. Thanks for coming home, Jarrod."

Jarrod smiled. "Just don't go smashing your head every time you think you need to get me here."

"Don't worry about that, I won't. My head isn't as hard as you claim it is."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

November 1875

Jarrod left the governor's office ready to punch out anyone who looked at him sideways. Day after day he'd worked at buttonholing legislators, and he thought he was close to getting a majority to vote for the bill preventing the railroad from forcing landowners to pay outrageous prices to keep their own land from a railroad takeover, because the railroad was arguing the land was only leased to them, not sold. It was a load of nothing, but Jarrod knew if he could get the governor on his side, it would get him to the majority he needed, but the governor turned him down flat.

"We need that new spur through the valley, Mr. Barkley," he had said flatly. "The railroad has longstanding rights on the properties you're talking about, either rights of way or out and out ownership. They have every right to ask for compensation to give those rights up and move the line."

"But the compensation the railroad is asking for is far above fair market value," Jarrod argued. "All we're asking is for the price to be reduced to a reasonable level, and the railroad refuses, because they know the landowners could come up with a market value price to buy them out and force the line to be moved. I have nearly a majority to pass a law requiring the railroad to stick to that fair market price – "

"Nearly a majority is not a majority."

"The votes I need aren't coming, because the bill doesn't have your backing. If you were to say publicly that you would sign such a bill if it came to your desk – "

"I can't do that," the governor cut him off again. "I don't like interfering in the free market."

"But this isn't a free market."

It was all Jarrod could do to stop himself from calling it highway robbery, but he knew those kinds of words would turn the governor against him even more. He didn't like to think the governor was in the railroad's pocket, especially if it were due to payoffs, but he strongly suspected that was what was going on.

But, on the other hand, if Jarrod could get those votes to get the bill passed and the governor had it on his desk, he would be hard pressed to veto it – or at least that was what Jarrod hoped. Right now it didn't matter much, though. The legislators were all heading home for the Thanksgiving holiday, and the governor was about to close his office.

And Jarrod knew it was time for him to head home, too. As he did, he hoped he would not lose any of the votes he had gotten into his corner on the bill. He knew that for now, it was the best he could hope for.

So, he headed home on the train that ran to Stockton – really peeved that he had to rely on the railroad he was fighting against to get home. He had the family car, and Charles, the railroad's porter that Jarrod liked to use, was taking care of him. At least the railroad was hiring a lot of negro men, and at least they were paying them a living wage, even if it was barely living. Even oligarchs did something right now and then, Jarrod granted them.

"Mr. Barkley, we'll be getting into Stockton in about twenty minutes," Charles told him. "Would you like another drink before we arrive?"

Jarrod looked at the little bit of scotch left in his glass and put the paper he was reading down. "No, I don't think so, Charles," he said, downed the last of the scotch and handed Charles the empty glass. "Wait just a minute." Jarrod got some money out of his pocket and gave it to Charles as a tip. "Here you are. Thanks for taking care of me."

Charles smiled and took the money. "My pleasure, Mr. Barkley. I hope you have a very nice holiday."

"You, too, Charles. I'll see you again when we go back to Sacramento."

Charles nodded. "I'll have your bags put off when we get to Stockton. They'll be waiting on the platform for you."

"Thank you," Jarrod said, and began to put his papers away into his briefcase.

Charles left, and Jarrod took the time to look out the window at the valley going by. The familiar hills to the east gave him both pleasure and despair, because just over those hills was where the railroad planned to run their new spur line. Just over those hills were the farms and ranches that might disappear under the rail and crossties, and there might be nothing at all he could do about it. Not even stopping a shooting war.

Jarrod closed his eyes. He was tired and tried to put his worries out of his mind. In a little while, he would be back in Stockton until after the Christmas holiday. He hadn't seen his family in nearly three months. It would be good to be with them again.

When the train arrived in Stockton, Jarrod disembarked straight to the platform, before they uncoupled his car and moved it to the siding. He looked around while Charles unloaded his bags, but he didn't see anyone from the ranch who might take him home. Fortunately, he only had a couple bags he could carry to a hack to take him to the livery, and there he could rent a buggy.

He held his briefcase under his arm and picked up one bag with each free hand. Soon he was in a hack in the street, and they were heading for the livery stable. "What's new around here?" Jarrod asked the driver.

"Not much that's good," the man said. "People in town are anxious to see the new railroad spur get built. People who own the land outside of town are really against it. Been a few fights in the saloons on Saturday nights."

"Sorry to hear that," Jarrod said, and that was the end of the conversation.

At the livery, Jarrod rented a buggy and headed on home. It was mid-afternoon and Jarrod didn't expect Nick to be there – maybe not Eugene either if Nick had been able to get him out the field with him. Audra might not be there either. His mother had written that Audra had taken up riding even more frequently than before. Now that she was old enough for some freedom, she was taking advantage of it.

The little ones weren't little anymore. They had grown up so fast, and Jarrod regretted that he had missed a lot of it. But he had been there for a lot of it, too, he reminded himself. He had kissed skinned knees and told bedtime stories and wiped away tears. He did that even before his father was killed, but he did more of it afterward. But the little ones weren't little anymore. Jarrod wondered how much things might have changed at home. He wondered if he were being wise being away so much.

He drove up to the stable yard and gave his buggy off to Ciego, then took his bags into the house. No one was there to greet him in the foyer. He left his bags at the bottom of the stairs, put his hat on the table in the foyer, and headed for the kitchen.

His mother and Silas were there, preparing dinner. "Well, at last I've found somebody," Jarrod said.

Victoria came straight to him. "Jarrod, darling, we weren't expecting you today!"

"I wasn't sure when I'd get away, so I didn't wire ahead. Where is everybody?"

"Nick is out working, Audra is out riding, and Eugene is off somewhere reading Shakespeare."

"Shakespeare?" That was new, but then Eugene was always changing his mind about what he was interested in.

"He's going to be an actor now," Victoria said, and from the sounds of it she didn't like it.

"He'll be a doctor again next week," Jarrod said. "I take it he's showing even less interest in running the ranch than he did before."

Victoria nodded. "Nick isn't very happy about it, but Eugene just isn't a rancher and you can't force him into it, anymore than we could force you."

"Well, maybe I'll be a rancher for the time I'm here."

"How long can you stay?"

"Till after Christmas. Nothing is happening in Sacramento – everyone's gone home – so I'm all yours."

Victoria hugged him again. Silas said, "It's good to have you home, Mr. Jarrod."

"Good to be home," Jarrod said.

"Mother?!" Nick's loud baritone came blasting in from the foyer.

"I think," Jarrod added to his statement.

Victoria and Jarrod went into the foyer and caught Nick there before he went through the doors toward the library. "Jarrod!" Nick said in surprise and offered his hand.

Jarrod shook his younger brother's hand. "Hello, Nick. How are you?"

Nick looked less than happy. "Not good. Frank Sample came up to me out on the range. He spotted some railroad surveyors out on his property this morning."

Jarrod sighed, frustrated already. "They've got a right to be on the right-of-way they have on Frank's property, Nick."

"Don't I know it?" Nick said. "But they're claiming his whole spread, and you know how Frank is taking it. How's that bill of yours coming?"

"Nothing's going anywhere right now. People won't be back in Sacramento until after Christmas, so I can't get anybody else on board until then. In the meantime, the railroad's gonna just keep surveying and irritating people, I'm afraid."

"Did you talk to the governor, Jarrod?" Victoria asked.

Jarrod nodded. "Didn't do any good. He won't even give me any hope of being on our side until I get a majority vote, and I can't get a majority vote until the governor comes down on our side. I'll be back up there after the holidays and see if I can strongarm the votes."

Nick scowled. "If you can't get them, we're gonna be shooting at each other again."

Jarrod nodded again. "I know. Not a lot to be thankful for this year, is there?"

"I'll be thankful that you're home," Victoria said. "I'll be thankful that all my children are home."

Jarrod gave her a smile and a squeeze. "Now if we can only get all of us in one place at the same time."

Eugene came in the front door on cue. "Jarrod!"

Jarrod extended his hand, saying, "'To be or not to be' an actor, is that the question?"

Eugene shook his hand. "Well, maybe more like a well-educated doctor, I think."

"Now, anyway," Nick said. "Boy changes his mind every half hour."

"Audra was grooming her horse when I came in," Eugene changed the subject.

"What were you calling me for when you came in, Nick?" Victoria asked.

"Just to let you know I was in early," Nick said. "And to let you know that McCall spotted some nice looking turkey in the wood near the Stockton road. He's planning to bring in three or four in for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, one for us and the rest for the men."

"I'll get to cleaning them up," Jarrod offered. "After Sacramento, I could stand to do something fairly mindless for a while."

"I'll make room in the spring house to keep them till tomorrow," Eugene said.

"And I guess I'll get the outside ovens going in the morning," Nick said.

Audra came in the front door, saying, "I'll get plenty of potatoes and carrots out of the root cellar in the morning. Hello Jarrod!"

Jarrod gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"Better now that you're here. Nick and Gene have been picking on me again."

Jarrod could tell by the sparkle in her eye that she wasn't really serious. He said, "I'll turn them over my knee for you."

"In your dreams, Pappy," Nick said and headed for the refreshment table.

Victoria smiled as they all moved to the living room. It was so good to have them all home together. She was disturbed about the news of possible trouble that Jarrod had brought with him, but she could only smile at the fine children she and her husband made together. The two oldest adults now, the two youngest practically so. There was plenty around here to be thankful for, and Victoria was.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Spring 1876

The shooting was finally over, and Nick straightened up, watching what was left of the railroad thugs riding away. The adrenaline washed out of him so fast he could actually feel it. His hands began to shake, but he settled them with a huge breath.

Then he saw all the dead and wounded lying around, just like it was in 1870 when his father was killed. Dear God, it was just like that. Nothing had changed. There were Harry Lyman and Frank Sample lying dead in the Sample front yard this time. There was Nettie Sample crying over her husband's body.

There was his brother Jarrod, with them this time – and there was blood on Jarrod's left sleeve. Nick went over to him and took a look. Jarrod was on his feet. The arm didn't look too bad, but it was still bleeding. Jarrod was looking out over the carnage – and then Nick saw him look to his left, where that boy, that Heath, that interloper into his family sat on a crate trying to roll a cigarette. The boy was shaking like a leaf.

Jarrod left Nick and Eugene and went to the boy's side, and handed him a cigar.

Nick's blood began to boil. This boy, this lying little weasel who claimed to be Tom Barkley's illegitimate son, was wrapping Jarrod around his lying little finger. Nick felt like decking them both.

But Jarrod weakened. Heath offered to take him home. After they left, Nick and Eugene stayed to help clean up what had happened here, to console the Sample family, to take stock of who was wounded and who was dead. Nick kept remembering 1870, kept remembering the war, kept remembering Mayville. He couldn't get that trio of horror out of his mind as he added this fourth to it.

It took hours for Nick and Eugene to get home. Eugene held up pretty darned well, given this was his first taste of battle like this, but on the way home, Nick heard the boy begin to sob. As they rode together, Nick reached over and gave his young brother a rub on his back. "Take it easy, kid. It's over now."

"No, it's not," Eugene said. "I can't get the vision of those wounded men out of my mind. They need doctors. We don't have enough doctors."

"I know. It's like a battle without a corps of army medical available," Nick said.

"How did you stand it, Nick? How did you go into battle knowing this was what it was going to be like?"

"First time, I didn't know it was going to be like this," Nick said. "After that – well, you just do it. You do it for your friends next to you. You do it for your family at home. You just do it. The first is always the worst, Gene."

Gene shook his head. "I think I made up my mind today. I think I need to be a doctor, Nick. I'm sorry. I'm not a rancher. I need to be a doctor."

Nick smiled. "I've known for a long time you're not a rancher, Gene, and I'd be pretty darned pleased to have a doctor for a brother. Mother will be pretty happy too."

Eugene's heart lightened a bit, and when home came into view, he felt almost brave again. Then he remembered that boy, that Heath. What if he was here?

Nick thought the same thing. If that Heath was here, Nick was determined to throw him out, even if it took another battle today. He did not trust that boy. He did not believe his story. Nick was not going to have that kid around.

But it didn't work out quite that way. When they got inside, they found Jarrod with his injured arm bandaged and in a sling, talking with their mother and sister and that Heath in the living room. When they all looked up at Nick and Eugene coming in, Nick knew right away from the looks on their faces that they had already made up their minds. This Heath was staying, if he wanted to.

Long arguments that even came to blows followed over the next hours, Nick and Heath going at it so hard that it did little more than exhaust them and convince Victoria even more that this Heath was a son of her husband. Jarrod became more convinced as well, but something else impressed itself on him, too. This Heath might as well have been Nick's twin. They had the same fiery temperament – even though Heath's soft side seemed to come to the forefront more quickly than Nick's. Heath was several years younger than Nick, but his life had given him harder experiences than Nick and made up for those years. And Heath had been making his way ranching and liking it. Heath was a lot like Nick. Jarrod liked the boy.

And by the first morning, when Nick and Heath both speared the same piece of steak and Jarrod ended up cutting it in half for them, when both Nick and Heath had ended up laughing for the first time – Jarrod knew something important and even amazing was happening.

Jarrod watched Nick and Heath leave for the stables together after that breakfast. Nick was talking animatedly, Heath listening. No doubt Nick was explaining some things about how the ranch operated. There was no anger between them. Maybe not best of friends yet, but no blows were being traded. Jarrod had to smile at that.

"Do you think it's going to work out?"

Jarrod heard his mother's voice, turned from the window and put his arm around her. "I'll bet I'm thinking what you're thinking," Jarrod said.

"Which is?"

"This Heath may be exactly what Nick has needed all these years – that younger brother he can have working beside him. Heath might be what Gene can't be. He might be for Nick what I couldn't be for father. And I think something else."

"What's that?"

"That you are a remarkable woman. You are brave, you have a depth of vision that surpasses any I've ever seen, and you have an infinite well of forgiveness inside you."

Victoria smiled. "Don't be too impressed. I'm being very selfish, taking Heath's part."

"How so?" Jarrod asked.

"Heath looks so much like your father did at that age. It's undeniable that he is your brother. And I wanted Nick to have that rancher brother, too, since it looks like Eugene is _your_ brother."

Jarrod chuckled. "It does look like that, doesn't it? And I guess maybe there's something else about Heath for you, too. He's a piece of Father."

Victoria nodded with a smile. "A little more of your father when I never thought there would be any more." She choked on the last words.

Jarrod squeezed her. "I think even Father would be happy he found his way here. I know Nick will be in a very short time, even if he isn't just yet."

"Oh, yes, you're right. Nick will be happy. I think we all will be."

Jarrod gave her a kiss on the forehead. They watched Nick and Heath mount the horses Ciego had readied for them and ride away together. Victoria and Jarrod both smiled happily.

Jarrod especially smiled. He was looking back on all those years he and Nick had grown up together but grew apart in so many ways. He knew he was more responsible for that than Nick was, and yes, in a way he was happy to see that Heath was bailing him out. But mostly he was just happy to see Nick get the brother he really needed all these years.

And maybe, in a lot of ways, they all needed this Heath to make the Barkley family really complete. _Yes, that's it,_ Jarrod thought. _We're more complete now than we were three days ago. It's like that boy was meant to be here all along._

Jarrod nodded to himself. He remembered his promise when Nick was born, that he'd always take care of him. Accepting Heath into the family was probably one of the most important things he ever did to take care of Nick.

Jarrod smiled and squeezed his mother again. "Yes, Mother, this is all going to work out just fine."

The End


End file.
